"We all want to be liked" but at what cost?

I think it is time I found my self worth; or at least, an amount which is high enough that makes me believe I am worthy of other people listening to my voice, and that I am important enough so others will hear my will and give me the choice to decide for myself.
Without imposing on me with their choice, or contradicting me, to prove me I am stupid, in everything I may say, like it happened to me most of the time, during my youth.

It seemed more usual for you lately, to contradict and disagree with me, than you did before; trying to prove me the opposite of what I was saying/believed in/wanted to believe in.
It made me feel like I was someone who had no will and no proper proof or data, to support what I wanted to believe and stand for in life.

Those sorts of communications made me feel that maybe we would not get on in a long term basis, if you were always that way with me, and never ever agreeing to what I said. Just as I was saying to R this morning; for example, I know he supports me in the belief that Wallmart are fucking bastards; (well, he supports himself, but I agree to that as I have read my own sources to prove it to myself)

I was explaining to him that when I interact with others, if they talk about something like that, that they stand for or believe in, if I believe or agree to it, to a minimum of 40% (not less than that) then, I will support them in what they are saying, tell them I agree and they are right to think that way.

I do it, firstly, because I do agree with what they say. Even if I do believe there is another side to the story, I will not seek to get that out at any cost, and wiggle it under their nose just to prove them wrong! (like my aunt and sister would do, and many other people I have met in my life, that seem to like reducing other people's views to nothing)

Well, I would not do it, unless of course, the debate was about health foods, for which I would always battle for, and then resume in the end by saying "Oh well, anyway, they all have different ideas about this and I don't even know who is right..." and give up what I was fighting for!
But to go back to this, I know how that feels, to always be fought against and proved wrong, when you are someone sensitive: it kills.
I want to be on their side, and I want to support and have a common ground with them, so we can have the same opinion about something, feel safe with each other because we do get on about something, and use it as a base, as part of the friendship.

Secondly, I also do this so to be accepted. I want to be friends and I want to know there are things that we think about similarly. (I suppose this is similar to the previous explanation above)

I remember my boyfriend of last year, who was an 'anarchist' and had very pointy views about humanity and life; the times I got on most with him was when I was pushing his beliefs up and supporting them; (he was my boyfriend, I was meant to encourage him, wasn't I!) though, how often would I say something in similar lines to what he said (or similar subjects) and he would contradict me, doing everything to prove me I was wrong!!! ??? I never understood, I was hurt!

When I left him, I remembered that and thought really, he could have noticed how I was making efforts to getting along with him and trying to boost his confidence by agreeing with him; he never returned the favour! (was it too fake? I didn't feel I was fake, I agreed to his views in theory, even though in practice they were a bit unreal and not realizable, like many anarchists philosophies)
I always felt inferior to him as a result, because he had such big mouth and big opinions which were better than mine. Mine were very weak and always wrong. Or maybe he just enjoyed contradicting me, most people seem to contradict me, which it is why I usually don't talk.

I am sure you would say to this: "There is no point lying and doing as you are doing, just to be liked by people, if it is not sincere, or if it is as a mean to an end to be liked by others!" to which I would say, well, it is quite sincere. I am very open to beliefs and opinions and for example, I have mostly agreed in the past with the opinion of a politically left wing friend but also have agreed with a right wing friend, even though they had the opposite opinions about a certain subject. (and disliked each other!)
To my view, both people were right. This is how and why I tend to get on with most people's opinions. Because if they explain it well enough, I can understand their reasoning and hear their truth. Everyone has a bit of the truth.

But maybe you, yourself, enjoy more the intellectual debate which comes from rejecting someone's idea and proving them the opposite is true? (like about vaccines and pigs flu!)
Maybe, at the end of the day, you would get on better with someone that stuck to their view and disagreed with yours, and even though it may piss you off that they had such a stupid belief or silly opinion, you would respect them more for actually standing up to it and would give them a tap on the shoulder and a hug when they left!?

See, I cannot do that. I have never been able to. I am sure that it is the most balanced way for a human to be, to be strong enough to stick and stand up for their views.

Though, I also think that it is a sign of evolution for a human being to be open to everybody else's point of view, and seeing the good in what others say, (as there is always some good) being able to change your own point of view and say to the other: "You know, I never really thought about it like that, what you say has a lot of truth in it".

But then, after that, comes the Even More evolved buman being who would add, after having agreed to someone's opinion: "Though, I would also like to point out that this other solution would be absolutely acceptable also and could bring some good...etc". And they would have an adult debate which would be respectful and calm, in which both people would see the good in the other person's view.

I am not ripe enough to act in such an evolved way. I am only evolved enough to being able to accept that what most other people say has much truth in it (as I only usually mingle with intelligent people and not daft ones with whom I would be obliged to disagree with or more likely, leave the room)

The problem lies when what they say is usually "more right" than what I believe, which really is a bit of a problem of self-worth, again.
Everybody cannot always be "more right" than I am! Why should I always be the one who is wrong, after all?
I have had my share of that, now is time to get a bit of recognition for what I say (when it is not daft)



Strangely, after I had finished typing this part of an email to a friend, I called my friend Virginie in France, to talk about various things; and very oddly, it never happened to me so often at least not with her nor with most friends, she openly agreed with TWO SEPARATE THINGS I was saying, at different times, saying I was right to think that way!!!
It made me feel very odd! I am not used not to be contradicted upon.
I could get used to this too much. It must be very easy to become like a little god and be stuck in our tight bums because others agree to what we say.
I best get a good dose of contradiction, now... Anyone?
Oh, I feel worthless when I think about anyone contradicting me yet again... I envy Plato and Socrates, or the one of them of that time that used to do public monologues and debates with their disciples and be able to stand their grounds about their ideas... Bless them.

I wish I could have a mouth that expressed, with faith and truth. Like Jeanne d'Arc.