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Gay time in Paris!

2009.07.12
Virginie's lounge. and this which was my very comfortable bed,

Eurostar when seating next to the bastard that was ignoring me listening to his ipode all trip long

lovelyphotoinnitthereis a fairy in the trees on the left

I knew I had taken other photos but I couldn't find them, they reappeared . This is the second sofa at Virginie's flat, this corner looked stunning but my phone was on wrong exposure. Note: the tree is real, not shit fake plastic. Another note which I find very funny: The flat has many plants in it, all beautiful and all looked after, looking very healthy. Ferhat said if it was for Virginie, the plants would have all died and would have been all decluttered ages ago!!! Poor Virginie thinks plants get in the way and can't at all be bothered to look after them. Ferhat said how can that person be loving at all in life if they don't like plants? Virginie did defend herself but I don't remember her arguement. I quite agree with her, though I do like plants but they do tend to die on me because I am not in touch with them much. Except when they talk to me but they usually talk to me about esoteric matter, never tell me about whether they need fertiliser or water, really. They are a bit too philosophe, my plants; they forget they are plants, sometimes.

A random photo I found in my folder, couldn't think of where it was at all nor when it was taken, so I suppose it must be Paris somewhere when I was out with Virginie.

I have just come back from a very gay time in Paris. Or in Gay Paris.
It was wonderful, ( except...) I enjoyed myself so very much; unfortuantely, all the family of mine that lives in Paris had all gone down to the South West to go to my family party which I didn't go to, so I couldn't see my Paris family, it is a shame.
I actually would have quite liked to see my cousin, though it would have been a stress so I am glad it didn't happen, really.I had enough on my plate.

Enough trauma like that.

I really enjoyed Paris, and actually had a go at a man without thinking (twice it happens now, once last french holiday with ....someone of family) that bloke was trying to squeeze between me and the 3legged underground machine to pass through and it was really busy; I was taking my time and was about to take out my ticket to be able to go thorugh when I stopped in the middle of the 3 leg machine, feeling something behind my back. I turned around and said somehting along the lines of "Excuse me, this is my turn, thank you, you wait for your turn!" and as I stared at this older man who smelled the alcohol and looked slightly tanned, he stepped back but kept his leg stuck in the 3leg machine, which I instantly understood would allow him, once I had passed, to still use my ticket.
So I said to him "Eh, enlevez votre patte aussi!" not moving. (take off your dog leg also, you bastard!) I don't know why I said that, it made me laugh very much afterwards (Patte is the name for an animal leg, but you don't have this happy translation in English) but the man moaned and looked at me and actually stepped back properly and walked away, waiting for his next lamb to be able to stick to and feel and get through.

I couldn't beleive this got out of me so spontaneously, I must be healing in some ways. I was feeling really shit, tired and Virginie was just in front of me, and i was feeling generally shy. Cool.

What Gay Paris.

To be remembered as a lovely week end and also a very traumatic one.
DOes anyone know of a EMDR psychotherapist please? A good one, not one that I will find sexually attractive nor will need to fall out with after 2 sessions. Thanks.

PS: No bus for Mr G was taken in Paris nor with long haired metal neither, even though I saw one or two of those..
6 Comments
terryl Welcome back Claude, I think on the underground here people trying to squeeze through the barriers behind someone and so avoiding paying is referred to as "tail-gating". Well done standing up for yourself with the cheat/pervert.

Virginie has a smart and stylish lounge, but what else would you expect in Paris.
terryl · 2009-07-13: 03:48
tomie j'ai le même cadre audessue du canapé mais j'ai mis une glace dedans...très joli!
you don't need photoshop for great effects! ;)
tomie · 2009-07-13: 10:57
Robertthebob A lovely happy blog! Thanks for sharing this with us all
Robertthebob · 2009-07-13: 15:06
ClaudePechabaden Have you seen my 2 other pictures! Ah Virginie is a treasure.
ClaudePechabaden · 2009-07-15: 04:15
robinray A really strange museum, Musée de Cluny, Roman baths; and a posh 15th town house with lots of gold jewellery etc. (Corner of Boul Mich and Boul St Germain.)

The Roman bit is the most interesting part though. Obelix didn't agree, so I knocked him around a bit to change his mind.

C'est la dernière fois que je visite une musée française avec Asterix.
robinray · 2009-07-20: 11:14
ClaudePechabaden Just looking at this entry brings back all the emotional charge, the sadness, the anxiety, the not being heard and being left alone to die... That I felt at that time. I can feel this in me.
It made havoc in my body. After a frozen neck, some glands in my groin swelled up as I got back to London. THey are still swollen. I hope it is not a cancer.
Rupert Channing... You really did fuck me up.

I hope that one day, you realise and you admit to me that your behaviour then, was not worthy of you.
That you used me for sex. That you left me to rot in my own corner whilst you went and did your crisis on your own, not even telling me what was happening.
I felt so so cheated by all this story between us; used, and even though we met as we met, and then you stopped giving me my due... saying I was Girlfriend therefore you would look after me. And you didn't.
Yes, you gave me the money for the phone bill, which ended up paying for the gynecologist that you said you would pay for...

It is all unfortunate. I should have swallowed my pride and accepted what at first, you wanted to give me. I should have accepted for my own sake, because I have value, not just financial value but a human value. I don't know why you never insisted. I don't know why you never replied to any of my emails.
I suppose I was only a toy for you, and when I became difficult, you thought you better let go of me. Go away in silence, hoping I wouldn't notice and that another hundred men would come and rescue me. How wrong...

I just wish for this era to fade; for the hurt I felt in myself, the stress and the feeling unloved, insignificant and worthless, to disolve from my body cells and accept that there is only light in me, as well as in you.

TO look back and write all this makes me understand how traumatic this all was; but the most traumatic of all, was your silence.
Your absence.
That was the most hurtful thing you could ever do to me. And you did it. I fell for it. And still today, suffer its side-effects.

It is life, I suppose, and I want to forgive myself for falling for it and for not loving myself enough.

I hope that one day, you will read that; and that, that day, you will have reached your own integrity and your own heart; that you will be able to understand. You don't need to kill yourself for having acted that badly; all can be forgiven.
A word, or a thought. It is all you need.
It is all I need to help myself, and understand that I am worthy of love, and attention from myself and others.
ClaudePechabaden · 2009-08-15: 04:33
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